i'm an emotional wreck and it's all because of you. no matter how much i drink, or smoke, or do anything to interfere with my normal thinking pattern, it always leads me to you. i wish i could erase the memories i have with you- throw them in a locksafe box and toss it out to sea. let my memories float down to them depths of the ocean- as long as there away from me. i put myself through more then i should. i invite people to have you around, just so i sit and sulk about what i had and how i lost it. i let you slip through my fingers, unknowingly at first and then it smacked me hard in the face when it was too late to turn it around. i hate what you do to me and how you know you do it. i feel like my only option is to dead anything and everything that reminds me of you- the people, the places, the entire thing. just leave it behind and act like it never happened. but i know i can't do that. you've affect me too much- changed me into the new person i am; the person i hate. it's amazing what december to march did to me. i just want to give it all back. find the receipt and exchange everything for the simplicity i had before you. i feel bad for who ever meets me in the future. i'm too much to handle and come with no instructions. and the one person who understood the way my head works, takes pleasure out of knowing i mean nothing to him.
i mean nothing to him and he still means everything to me.
months later and nothing has changed but the lies that i keep inside.
we both know how to bury them.
the ones you gave me just eat me a live.
i feel like i'll never be the person i used to be.
i'm a lost cause with a broken heart from someone who never loved her in the first place.
it's amazing the way the world works.
it disgusts me more then i could ever explain.
hopefully i could use this to look back and push myself forward.
but the life i see infront of me, if nothing to hold my breath for.
i'm trapped in my own emotions.
| tonight if you're awake at all.|